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Brian and Carolyn
Oregon

Basic Info

Brian

Age: 43
Sex: Male
Race/Ethnicity: Caucasian
Religion: None

Carolyn

Age: 37
Sex: Female
Race/Ethnicity: Caucasian
Religion: None

Child Preferences

Age: 2 to 11 years old
Sex: Either
Max Number of Children: 1
Race/Ethnicity: Caucasian, African American, Asian, Native American, Hispanic, Pacific Islander

Special Needs the Family is Open To: Mild Physical/Medical Disability, Animal Allergies, Asthma, Drug Allergies, Environmental Allergies, Food Allergies, Difficulty in Attaching, Difficulty Making Friends, Lying, Poor Social Skills, Wets the Bed, Drug Addicted at Birth, Failure to Thrive, Fetal Alcohol Effected, Low Birth Weight or Premature, Prenatal Drug Exposure, Physical Therapy, Physically Disabled-Mild, Speech Delays - Mild, Speech Delays - Moderate, Academically behind due to poor attendance, Cognitive Delay - Mild, Has Behavior Problems in School, Mild Learning Disabilities, Speech or Language Impairment, Suspension(s), One/Both Parents Diagnosed with Depression, One/Both Parents Diagnosed with Schizophrenia, One/Both Parents Have Alcohol Addiction, One/Both Parents Have Drug Addiction, One/Both Parents Diagnosed with Bipolar, Exposed to Domestic Violence, One/Both Parents Have Had a Mental Diagnosis, Multiple Placements, ADHD, Seizures, Aspergers Syndrome, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Runaway - Past, Willing to Maintain Contact via Mail with Bio Family, Willing to Maintain Contact with Past Foster Parents, Willing to Maintain Contact with Bio Grandparents & Other Relatives, Willing to Maintain Contact with Bio Siblings, Child Identifies as LGBT, Sexually Abused in the Past

Environment

State: Oregon
Neighborhood: Country/Rural
Residency:
Years Together: 4
Children in the Home: 1
Pet(s): Cat(s), farm animal(s), reptile(s)

Work

Brian

Occupation: Electrical Engineer

Carolyn

Occupation: Middle School Teacher

Adoption Agency

Agency: A Family For Every Child
Worker: Emily Lyons
Worker: emilyl@afamilyforeverychild.org
City: Eugene
State: Oregon
Zip: 97402

Family Description

Brian and Carrie Pilmer are a physically active family who enjoys outdoor activities like camping, hiking, and rafting, and indoor activities like watching movies, playing games, and hanging out with their animals. They live on a large property in Corvallis, Oregon, which includes three duplex rentals, four outbuildings, animals, and plenty of room for a child to play and explore outside. Brian shares equal custody of his 11-year old son, Jacob. Brian and Carrie began dating in 2017, moved in together in 2019, and were married in April of 2020. They both have stable employment and income. Brian works as a senior electrical engineer, and Carrie is a language arts and Spanish teacher. Brian and Carrie are looking to adopt a child between 2-11 years old.

Preference Description

We are looking to adopt a child of any gender between the ages of 2 and 11 of any ethnic background. We are willing to accept minor medical/physical disabilities, such as ADHD or learning disabilties.

The Pilmer Family Profile

We are a loving family of three looking to adopt one child of any race or ethnic background between the ages of 2-11 with mild medical, learning, or behavioral issues.

Introduction

We are a physically active family who like to have fun and spend time together. We have a large property with animals, so daily activity includes gardening, and caring for/playing with the animals (a cat, chickens, and goats!). We enjoy watching movies, playing games, and having art sessions. On a day-to-day basis, we eat dinner together, talk about our days, and go on a short walk as a family. Jacob loves swimming, video games, and LEGOs. On vacations or long weekends we enjoy going on multi-day rafting, hiking, or camping trips. We ensure each trip includes something each person likes during the trip.

Home and Community

We live in the northern part of Corvallis, Oregon, which is relatively rural. There are many small-scale farms and wooded lots, but we are less than fifteen minutes from downtown and Oregon State University.

Our property has a large garden, a chicken coop, and plenty of areas to run around. We like to walk or ride bikes to visit friends who live about a mile away to play with their animals. We are about two miles from the MacDonald Forest, where we mountain bike, hike, and run. Crescent Valley High School is half a mile down the road. We frequently use their track for exercise, go for walks on their beautify trail system, play sports in their fields and courts, and sometimes watch games there. There is a pool nearby, and they have a great lesson program.

Corvallis, which means Heart of the Valley, has a population of approximately 55,000 inhabitants. As the home of Oregon State University, it is a college community with many cultural resources available. Corvallis also offers a wide range of activities for kids from sports and camps to manga meet-ups and youth theater productions. We feel confident we will be able to find activities that suit our child's interests.

Excellent special education and counseling services are provided through the school system. Carrie teaches Spanish and English Language Arts for the Corvallis School system and she feels confident that it can provide her children the support and education they need and deserve. There is also a strong focus on socio-emotional health, inclusivity, and examining racial injustice in our society. Corvallis School District also has a Spanish language dual immersion program.

Corvallis also offers mental health specialists with experience working with children with histories of trauma and loss, as well as adoption support groups. Corvallis has easy access to Eugene and to Portland, both of which offer nationally recognized medical, psychological and developmental services for children.

Parenting Experience

We describe our parenting style as that of a coach. We feel teaching children skills is important to build confidence. We provide opportunities for Jacob to be heard, use active listening, and provide space for him to solve his problems. We use direct and warm communication. We try and model the type of behavior we want to see including treating others with respect, being responsible our actions, apologizing when we are wrong, seeing failure as an opportunity for growth, and being compassionate, warm, and understanding

We feel there must be a balance with discipline. We believe kids are kids, and sometimes we have to be goofy with them, but, at the same time, we want to ensure our child is treating others with respect, pushing themselves to grow, and developing coping mechanisms that will serve them well in life.

We believe that clear is kind, so we make sure to communicate expectations and boundaries in a way Jacob understands. If need be, we use time-outs or other forms of consequences such as limited screen time. However, we also use a lot of positive reinforcement. We've know that consistency is key, but that teaching new behaviors takes time.

Brian has been the primary care providing parent to Jacob throughout his life. Since we moved in together and married, we are a parenting team who work together to plan and figure out issues. As a teacher, Carrie has professional experience researching and connecting children to services. Carrie also has experience being part of a child's team and thoroughly understands the 504 and Individual Education Plan (IEP) process.

We also have ongoing support through A Family For Every Child (AFFEC) and are members of the adoptive parent Facebook support group. We have utilized the post-adoption resource library available through the Oregon Post Adoption Resource Exchange (OPARC). We have completed a large number of training on issues including Trauma-Informed Care, Building Relationships with Birth Families, Attachment, ADHD, and Adverse Childhood Experiences. For a complete list, please see our attachments page.

Support

We have an active and involved network of family and friends in the area. Brian's mom, Theresa Becktold, is an involved grandparent and lives in Pendleton, Oregon. Theresa is eager to welcome another grandchild into their family and is available to support the family with any long-term in-person needs of the family. Brian's father, John Pilmer, and aunt, Julie Pilmer, both live in Portland, Oregon. They are able and willing to drive down to care for the child or host them in their homes.

The rest of our families live out of state, but we remain close and connected through phone calls and visits. While everyone is excited and supportive of our adoption plan, they understand the need to take things slowly when introducing the child to extended family. We will start that process gradually through cards and video calls.

We have several close family friends that live nearby. We get together for walks, bbqs, going to the beach, and white water rafting.

We are comfortable with support and guidance from outside resources, including adoption and mental health professionals. Jacob experiences anxiety symptoms (worrying about getting sick) and previously used counseling through The Corvallis Clinic, which has been helpful. The family will utilize family counseling services to support placement, bonding, and attachment. As a teacher, Carrie has professional experience researching and connecting children to services, and Brian has experience accessing services for Jacob. Both parents are comfortable advocating for their children.

Motivation to Adopt

We discussed and agreed on adoption before getting married. It was easy for us to make this decision because we are fully invested in adoption and it is something we both wanted even before we met. We want to expand our family and adoption through foster care is that path that has always felt right for us.

Brian has always wanted to have two children. He is fortunate enough in life to be able to provide a safe and loving home to a child from foster care. Carrie has always wanted to adopt. She recognizes there are a lot of kids that need homes, so it makes sense to her to parent one of these children.

We want to provide a child with an opportunity to be a kid, to do the best we can as parents, and to pour our time, love, and attention into them. We know this journey will not be without challenges, but know this experience will make us better people and provide a child with a forever family.